The Best Thing that I Ever Did was Believe in Me
Well, it’s been nearly four whole years since I did it, you guys. Four years since I took that leap of faith, placed that bet on myself and challenged myself in ways that I’d never dared to before. What in the world did I do, you ask? Well, quite simply, I quit. I quit my job in corporate America and never looked back. It seriously seems like just yesterday that I was driving around all of Northern California, making sales calls in my territory, working a job that I dreaded waking up for. Don’t get me wrong- it was a good job, and in the type of economy I was faced with upon college graduation, I was grateful to even have solid employment. It was this very detail that I reminded myself of daily…sometimes multiple times each day in order to keep myself motivated and focused enough to make the sales calls day in and day out, sometimes driving 450+miles in a day just to get the job done.
So…how does you being unhappy working your 9-5 job relate to fitness and what I’m doing now?
Before I get too into this, allow me to back up and fill you in a bit more on how me saying “I quit” was actually a rather positive statement and how this whole thing started. I know you don’t have all day to read this, so I’ll make a decade long story pretty short. Since high school I’d admired the physiques and dedication of the women gracing the pages of fitness magazines and competition stages, always thinking to myself “Geez, I sure wish I could do that!” but had always been plagued with self-doubt and fear. Doubt that I wouldn’t be able to measure up to the other women on stage and that I wouldn’t look even close to like I belonged up there beside them, and fear that I would be laughed at or mocked for not looking nearly as in shape as the competitors I’d looked up to. So what did I do? Well I took the easy way out, skipped the competition prep and just admired the competition circuit from afar, always with the melancholy “One day…” thought at the back of my mind.
For years I continued to work out at the gym, experienced my own transformation with my weight gain (and then subsequent fat loss) journey which was when I had pretty much chalked up the whole “fitness thing” as a pipe dream. At one point when I weighed about 40-50 pounds heavier than I do today, I actually stopped reading fitness magazines because to me looking at those pages was a constant reminder that I still had not yet mustered up the courage to prepare for a competition (and looking back I now realize that deep down I always knew I had it in me). For years after that (even after losing the weight) I decided that I should just accept the fact that I was just going to work on my fitness in the gym to stay healthy and continue driving somewhat aimlessly around Nor Cal in attempt to sell medical equipment to orthodontists. But I wasn’t happy and I knew something had to change.
Quick side note here, for those of you that have found yourself riddled with self-doubt and negative talk at one time or another:
If I’m being perfectly honest I’d have to say that for years I was disappointed in myself for not having stepped on stage. This was something that I thought about on a regular basis. In all other areas of my life I’d always been driven, motivated, confident, and focused on success. For some reason, this whole competition thing was different and really highlighted every major insecurity I’d ever had. Talk about messing with your head! I worked out all of the time and knew that I had the discipline to get to the gym as needed, I’d been a personal trainer during high school and throughout college, so the fitness knowledge was there, but so was that self-doubt always second guessing my ability to make it happen. Seriously, what was my deal? For those of you that have followed me for the past few years, I’m sure all of this self-doubt and second guessing myself madness doesn’t sound a thing like the Jen Jewell you know. But you know what? It’s all good. I firmly believe it was this little hiccup that I went through that has helped shape the confident, empowered, focused person that I am today. We always become stronger as a result of the tests, trials and obstacles we face! I’m living proof!
Sorry for the tangent, but I feel that sharing my ups, downs and insecurities is an important part of this little story. Now let’s get back on track!
In early spring of 2011, I stumbled across a quote by Mark Twain and this was when it really hit home for me. The quote reads:
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore.
Dream.
Discover.
Seeing as the quote talks about “20 years from now” and I’d already been contemplating this for a decade, I knew I had to try, to just give it one shot. Even if I didn’t place in the top line-up, I knew that I would seriously ALWAYS regret not having actually following through with the goal that I’d had for years. So I did it. That quote was the kick in the ass that I had needed all along and prompted me to get my act together. I signed up with a coach, we selected a show date and before I knew it I was 12 weeks out (literally 12 weeks out to the day of when I signed up and decided to prep…and side note to any fellow or aspiring competitors out there- not everyone needs the same amount of time to properly prep for a show, some need more or less than 12 weeks but at this time I was already working out 4-6 days a week, in good shape and starting out around 20% body fat so the 12 weeks of prep worked well for my condition at that time) counting down to my long time goal of stepping on stage.
So how does all this relate to me quitting my corporate America job?
Well, turns out, I had a hell of a lot more focus, willpower and drive than I’d given myself credit for. Preparing for the show and stepping on stage that very first time on June 28, 2011, I realized that amazing things truly do happen when you can finally kick self-doubt to the curb. I not only stepped on stage (which for me, that morning when I was backstage and letting it sink in that I was actually there, FINALLY after all those years, was, after having graduated college, perhaps my biggest personal victory to date) that day, but I also took home a Pro card, something I didn’t even realize was possible to do in my first show. This then led to me competing at the World Championships about 6 weeks later, where, much to my dismay, I took home 6th place in the world. Excuse me?! Top ten in the world in my Pro debut? Talk about shock! I was elated! What in the hell had I been so worried about all these years? In the weeks following both of these shows, I had a renewed sense of confidence and purpose. I also felt empowered and was no longer afraid to set goals for myself that I previously would have felt were unattainable. It then dawned on me that the thing that had been missing from my professional life was helping others- this is something I truly love to do and missed from my previous days working as a personal trainer.
Perhaps the ironic thing about this was that I never had a set plan to leave corporate America, it just happened. I never stopped and really thought it all through or continued to work my med sales job until I had a sure thing lined up in the fitness industry, or held out with that job so I could save up money as a reserve/emergency fund (sorry Grandpa! I know that wasn’t the most responsible thing to do, but hey- I did what I felt I needed to do at the time), but the one thing I did have was a serious sense of self awareness, purpose and a passion for helping others. On the flip side, deciding to just go for it didn’t allow for me to second guess myself or hang on to the sales job as a safety net. If I’d done that, who knows if I ever would have decided to truly devote myself 100% to working in the world of health and fitness. It’s hard to move on and progress if you’re still in a comfort zone.
And four years later…
Here I am, working in fitness full-time, as I have been since November 2011. Has the road been an easy one? Heck no! It has, however, been full of learning experiences and adventure. What you see now is the product of the culmination of the past four years of my life, generally working 7 days a week. Each day I’m still learning how to evolve my business and how I can help more people with their fitness. The first year was by far the most challenging, as I literally quit the corporate job and essentially said “Hello fitness world, here I am! Who wants to work out with me and let me help them with their health & fitness?” without much more than 3-4 months’ worth of rent in my checking account and a handful of online clients. When things were tough and I was struggling to build my clientele base, I’d always remind myself of how accomplished I’d felt after finally reaching my goal of stepping on stage (and side note- I’ll elaborate more in an upcoming blog about pursuing your passion and what it’s meant for me during this journey). How great it felt to crush that self-doubt that had been looming for so long and reminded myself that I’m capable of so much more than I’d previously given myself credit for.
So the next time you find yourself riddled with self-doubt, are fearful of change or taking a risk, remind yourself to take the chance, give it a shot, focus. I promise the results will be far more rewarding than you ever would have imagined. By simply believing in myself and pushing that self-doubt and fear to the side, my life was forever changed. Imagine that…a simple thing like believing in yourself drastically changing the course of your life for the greater good. I did it and I have no doubt that you can, too.